The Kingdom of Noire Denholm is a massive, genial nation, ruled by The All Powerful Monty Phugotuborn with an iron fist, and notable for its national health service, vat-grown people, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 3.591 billion Noire Denholmians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gasselterboerveenschemond. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Noire Denholmian economy, worth 642 trillion Skuls a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 178,893 Skuls, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise, the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies, people who have had childhood imaginary friends are told they can't ever be trusted with guns, and father-son fishing trips have been banned. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Noire Denholm's national animal is the Great Mock Lynx, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Dark Cult of Bothughachau.

Noire Denholm is ranked 164,475^th in the world and 7,381^st in the South Pacific for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -13.76 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.