The Constitutional Monarchy of New New United Common-lands is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Sir Kieth Starmer with an iron fist, and remarkable for its lack of airports, feral children, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 5.996 billion New New United Common-landsians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Forensic Friends. The average income tax rate is 77.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong New New United Common-landsian economy, worth 546 trillion Common Pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Retail, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 91,061 Common Pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings, there is an abondance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every New New United Common-landsian grocery store, barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the Forensic Friends Natural History Museum, and trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New New United Common-lands's national animal is the Capital, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Keithism.

New New United Common-lands is ranked 35,956^th in the world and 15^th in Disney World for Lowest Crime Rates, with 79.5 law-abiding acts per hour.