The Republic of New Kiumper Pinesland is a massive, efficient nation, renowned for its smutty television, infamous sell-swords, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 2.808 billion New Kiumper Pineslandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mine. The average income tax rate is 86.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient New Kiumper Pineslandian economy, worth 340 trillion pesos a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Tourism, Basket Weaving, Retail, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 121,165 pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Most believe it doesn't hurt to embrace free trade, UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news, citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?", and citizens compete to guess the time between the royal lady's contractions. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Kiumper Pinesland's national animal is the parrot, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Hz.

New Kiumper Pinesland is ranked 55,030^th in the world and 788^th in The Communist Bloc for Lowest Crime Rates, with 72.88 law-abiding acts per hour.