The Federal Republic of New Acardia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President William Danchick with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, hatred of cheese, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless, devout population of 25.36 billion Acardians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Imperial City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient New Acardian economy, worth a remarkable 4,239 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an impressive 167,175 Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.0 times as much as the poorest.

It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma, coffee-addicted citizens look forward to baristas getting their name wrong at local coffee shops, kids who move from attending a public school in the city to the country often struggle in goat milking class, and on-call doctors who check their pagers during movies are banned from cinemas for life. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. New Acardia's national animal is the double headed eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Pluralism.

New Acardia is ranked 213,366^th in the world and 8^th in The Conservative Coalition for Most Armed, with 0.18 Weapons Per Person.