The Empire of Narwhalsgomoo is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Crow Emrest with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, parental licensing program, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 6.418 billion Narwhals are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Akistra City. The average income tax rate is 90.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Narwhalan economy, worth 647 trillion Roses a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 100,825 Roses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A little pushing and pulling is needed for big ships to pass, Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, the government has an entire department dedicated to staring at microscopes and writing down letters, and Crow Emrest is strangely popular with male politicians' wives. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Narwhalsgomoo's national animal is the Hound, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Narwhalsgomoo is ranked 5,255^th in the world and 276^th in Lazarus for Healthiest Citizens, with 19.38 bananas ingested per day.