The Empire of Narwhalsgomoo is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Crow Emrest with an even hand, and notable for its anti-smoking policies, rampant corporate plagiarism, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate population of 2.502 billion Narwhals are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Akistra City. The average income tax rate is 72.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Narwhalan economy, worth 238 trillion Roses a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 95,229 Roses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There's no representation without taxation, more than one company makes the board game Monopoly, populations of two-headed Hounds have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites, and the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Narwhalsgomoo's national animal is the Hound, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Narwhalsgomoo is ranked 182,670^th in the world and 6,353^rd in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -196.52 on the Scary Big Number Scale.