The Sparkling Waters of Namakan is a massive, efficient nation, remarkable for its national health service, hatred of cheese, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 3.045 billion Namakanians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kettle Falls. The average income tax rate is 95.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Namakanian economy, worth 443 trillion Greenstones a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 145,710 Greenstones, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Dozens of additional foreign policy specialists have been sent to the country's WA Mission, politicians and casino owners who so much as wander into the same room are arrested on the spot, it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma, and the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists. Crime is totally unknown. Namakan's national animal is the Lake Trout, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Namakan is ranked 225,570^th in the world and 989^th in 10000 Islands for Most Primitive, scoring -497.71 on the Scary Big Number Scale.