The Dominion of Monkey Haven is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Sir Francis Black with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, irreverence towards religion, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 2.627 billion Monkey Havenians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of banana city. The average income tax rate is 68.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but stagnant Monkey Havenian economy, worth 45.0 trillion bananas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 17,118 bananas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety, the studies of art and philosophy are banned, the Laws of War require "enthusiastic consent" (Monkey Haven has found 1 easter egg), and the nation's Medal of Honour can be found as a free toy in breakfast cereal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Monkey Haven's national animal is the gerbil, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Banana.

Monkey Haven is ranked 48,578^th in the world and 3,059^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 74.6 law-abiding acts per hour.