The Nouveau Pauvre of Mlakhavia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Everyone with an iron fist, and notable for its soft-spoken computers, pith helmet sales, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 3.252 billion Mlakhavi are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Everywhere. The average income tax rate is 80.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Mlakhavi economy, worth 479 trillion Free Associations of Labour a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 147,342 Free Associations of Labour, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads, the nation's new currency features full-length portraits of Everyone in ermine and velvet garb, unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police, and the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. Crime is totally unknown. Mlakhavia's national animal is the Bluejay, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Everything.

Mlakhavia is ranked 285,432^nd in the world and 1,369^th in The Communist Bloc for Most Primitive, scoring -393.07 on the Scary Big Number Scale.