The United Socialist States of Middle Green Irthistan is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Lieutenant Colonel Tord ändert with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, ubiquitous missile silos, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.217 billion Middle Green Irthistanians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Education are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Military strategic command Base. The average income tax rate is 86.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Middle Green Irthistanian economy, worth 681 trillion Opelalns a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 161,648 Opelalns, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons, escaped birthday balloons are torpedoed out of the sky, the government has pinkie-promised never to use its veto power except in an emergency, and a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of Middle Green Irthistan remains pure. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Middle Green Irthistan's national animal is the Wunderphus, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Hwuman sacrificeignism.

Middle Green Irthistan is ranked 10,639^th in the world and 212^th in The Communist Bloc for Lowest Crime Rates, with 99.89 law-abiding acts per hour.