The Incorporated States of Maskellvania is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Mr Maskell with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, pith helmet sales, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 8.026 billion Maskellvanians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry and Law & Order are also considered important, while Environment and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Corporate City of Maskell. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 2.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Maskellvanian economy, worth a remarkable 3,236 trillion Beers a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Gambling. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 403,289 Beers, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,556,543 per year while the poor average 71,785, a ratio of 21.7 to 1.

A burger chain recently changed its name to Mack Donaldz for legal reasons, teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool, at the edge of the final frontier space's biggest missile platform is about to unfold, and a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Maskellvania's national animal is the Bundy Bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Maskellism.

Maskellvania is ranked 242,602^nd in the world and 8,274^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring -623.58 on the Scary Big Number Scale.