8
The Supine Socialist Slothland of Maowi: Religion
⭐️----- "Lethargy, Languor, Laziness!" -----⭐️
However, there are a few religions that are more prominent in Maowese society.
Indigenous Maowese worshipAn estimated 35% of the population still practises the ancient indigenous religion dating from the times before the island was discovered by Western explorers. This faith is polytheistic, worshipping four gods who are all believed to bestow a different fortune upon those in their favour and a different curse upon those who do not pay them due respect. Different rituals are performed to gain each god's goodwill.
Four is considered a sacred number in indigenous Maowese worship.
The religion also includes a coming-of-age ceremony on the individual turning nineteen, which involves the new adult donning a special robe, rolling in mud, being dunked in a river and riding a wild goat, cheered on by their family and friends. Marriages are somewhat quieter affairs, with the newlyweds spending the night in the middle of an abandoned field before ardently praying to Thoknuisie for obedient children.
Followers of the indigenous religion believe in an afterlife that is the same for everyone: a world like the world of the living in its physical aspects, but without the need to eat or drink. For this reason, most of the departed choose eternal sleep.
Name of god | Fortune bestowed | Curse cast | Good-will ritual |
Harahmbngoni | Wonderful dreams | Nightmares about cheese | Scaling a palm tree wearing boarskin mittens |
Thoknuisie | Obedient children | Clingy, overly dependent parents | Burning a lock of your child's hair and inhaling as much of the smoke as possible |
Grachstoidiope | Increased chances of winning arguments | Hair loss early in life | Standing on your head exactly at noon |
Cjeiri | Sudden bursts of inspiration at random moments | Scratchy clothes | Catching a fish with your bare hands, eating only one eyeball and placing the rest on the roof of your house to rot |
A quarter of Maowese citizens practise Hinduism as it is known to the rest of the civilised world, with the slight twist that the traditional caste system is replaced by a hierarchy based on an individual's vocabulary. The wider your vocabulary, the closer your caste is to moksha. Karma can be gained not only by acts of kindness and selflessness, but also by putting effort into furthering your education. Because Hindus in Maowi place a lot of value on intellect, they tend to be viewed less than cordially by the rest of Maowese society, who see them as arrogant toerags who think themselves superior.
CatholicismMaowese catholics suffer slightly from the misconception that the Pope is not a physical human being but a member of the Holy Trinity with an indecision problem about names. Kilograms of gold are hard to come by in Maowi so Maowese catholics decorate their wooden cathedrals with palm tree fronds and spectacular light displays made from elaborate mirror constructions. Many Maowese citizens, however, claim to have witnessed Maowese catholics confide to their fellows that their sole reason for being baptised was the promise of regular wine for free.
AustralianismWhen Maowi was first discovered, the explorers had some trouble communicating with the natives so the indigenous people were left with the impression that there was a life after death in a utopia called Australia. This miscommunication spawned a religion which now has a fairly wide following among the Maowese. The belief is that if they speak in an Australian accent, say "g'day mate!" and "how'dy do", hop like a kangaroo, and fearlessly confront all spiders and snakes all their lives, they will be rewarded by an eternal afterlife in the promised land called Australia.