The Kingdom of Malopolanie is a gargantuan, cultured nation, remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, keen interest in outer space, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 13.016 billion Malopolanieans enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 12.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Malopolaniean economy, worth a remarkable 4,904 trillion Krakuses a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 376,791 Krakuses, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.8 times as much as the poorest.

The army spends more time producing 'romantic videos' than actually training soldiers, it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors, children who display even minimal sporting aptitude are immediately assigned a personal trainer, and the fattest folk in Malopolanie look to be the happiest ones. Crime is totally unknown. Malopolanie's national animal is the dragon, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Malopolanie is ranked 256,909^th in the world and 6,975^th in Balder for Healthiest Citizens, with 0.44 bananas ingested per day.