The Federal Kingdom of Lower Columbia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by King Zachary with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, unlimited-speed roads, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 34.002 billion Lower Columbians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The minute government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Spirituality are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kendall. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Lower Columbian economy, worth a remarkable 5,988 trillion crowns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Pizza Delivery. Average income is an impressive 176,131 crowns, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

The sanitised and dull music festivals of Lower Columbia are famed for their reasonable volume levels, contestants on Lower Columbia's Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent, arbitrary election rules are considered sacrosanct, and children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent. Lower Columbia's national animal is the mountain lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Christianity.

Lower Columbia is ranked 159,103^rd in the world and 672^nd in 10000 Islands for Lowest Crime Rates, with 60.22 law-abiding acts per hour.