The Holy Pâtissier of Linguiniland is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, pith helmet sales, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 2.811 billion Linguinilandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 80.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth 377 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 134,226 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the Linguinilandian Space Agency, the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster, economists claim no news is good news, and mandatory neutering has made purebred dogs a thing of the past. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 56,867^th in the world and 3,176^th in the South Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 50.99 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.