The Holy Pâtissier of Linguiniland is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, daily referendums, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The compassionate, democratic population of 9.558 billion Linguinilandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,255 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 131,350 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens, schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students, excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions, and the military has grudgingly released all top secret information in an effort for greater transparency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 175,592^nd in the world and 6,102^nd in the South Pacific for Most Rebellious Youth, scoring -5 on the Stark-Dean Displacement Index.