The Holy Pâtissier of Linguiniland is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and renowned for its national health service, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 5.096 billion Linguinilandians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 82.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth 686 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 134,796 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear, rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century, the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks", and you're never too young to learn how to lie with confidence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 188,490^th in the world and 9,511^th in the South Pacific for Largest Soda Pop Sector, scoring -7.04 on the Addison-Fukk Productivity Rating.