The United Provinces of Krytenia is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Queen Violetta with an even hand, and notable for its frequent executions, daily referendums, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 24.893 billion Krytenians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The tiny, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Law & Order, although Defense, Public Transport, and Industry are also considered important, while Social Policy and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Emberton. The average income tax rate is 6.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Krytenian economy, worth a remarkable 3,174 trillion argentals a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 127,512 argentals, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

The "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making Krytenians any less frightened, Queen Violetta's iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts, political candidates recite daily pledges of loyalty to their chosen party, and Queen Violetta's peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Krytenia's national animal is the leopard, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Anglicanism.

Krytenia is ranked 9,209^th in the world and 14^th in Atlantian Oceania for Healthiest Citizens, with 13.57 Bananas Ingested Per Day.