by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,243rdBest Weather: 1,542ndLowest Crime Rates: 1,886th
The Galactic Empire of
Father Knows Best State
We will rock you
General Sebastian Bohnhead
Civil Rights
Below Average
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population3.558 billion

CapitalKohnhead City
LeaderGeneral Sebastian Bohnhead


The Galactic Empire of Kohnhead is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by General Sebastian Bohnhead with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, prohibition of alcohol, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, cynical population of 3.558 billion Kohnheadians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kohnhead City. The average income tax rate is 96.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Kohnheadian economy, worth 512 trillion Kohnheadas a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 144,027 Kohnheadas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house, police regularly arrest families playing Monopoly, the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper, and the government is notorious for leaving citizens with almost nothing from their inheritance. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kohnhead's national animal is the panda, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kohnheadism.

Kohnhead is ranked 4,712th in the world and 70th in 10000 Islands for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 2,774.28 on the Clooney Contribution Index.

Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 1,243rdBest Weather: 1,542ndLowest Crime Rates: 1,886thTop
Safest: 2,681stHealthiest Citizens: 2,889thLongest Average Lifespans: 3,073rdMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 3,155thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,509thLargest Welfare Programs: 3,921stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 4,368thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 4,422ndMost Beautiful Environments: 4,449thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4,581stLargest Governments: 4,686thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 4,712thMost Cheerful Citizens: 5,605thNicest Citizens: 5,925thMost Compassionate Citizens: 6,217thMost Pacifist: 6,560thLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 6,906thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 7,143rdMost Developed: 7,943rdMost Corrupt Governments: 9,354thMost Advanced Public Education: 9,721stMost Advanced Public Transport: 9,841stMost Valuable International Artwork: 11,038thTop
Most Inclusive: 14,674thHighest Average Incomes: 15,023rdSmartest Citizens: 17,882ndMost Secular: 18,775thMost Efficient Economies: 18,895thMost Influential: 21,740thHighest Poor Incomes: 21,752nd
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 15th in the regionTop
Best Weather: 34th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 35th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 44th in the regionSafest: 49th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 52nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 57th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 60th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 64th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 65th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 68th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 69th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 70th in the regionLargest Governments: 71st in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 76th in the regionTop
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 82nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 83rd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 98th in the regionMost Cheerful Citizens: 99th in the regionNicest Citizens: 117th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 121st in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 128th in the regionMost Pacifist: 143rd in the regionMost Developed: 146th in the region

National Happenings

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