The Galactic Empire of Kohnhead is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by General Sebastian Bohnhead with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, prohibition of alcohol, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, cynical population of 3.558 billion Kohnheadians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kohnhead City. The average income tax rate is 96.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Kohnheadian economy, worth 512 trillion Kohnheadas a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 144,027 Kohnheadas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house, police regularly arrest families playing Monopoly, the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper, and the government is notorious for leaving citizens with almost nothing from their inheritance. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kohnhead's national animal is the panda, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kohnheadism.

Kohnhead is ranked 4,712^th in the world and 70^th in 10000 Islands for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 2,774.28 on the Clooney Contribution Index.