The I am the captain now of Knights Sanguine is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Lord Warren with an even hand, and renowned for its compulsory military service, avowedly heterosexual populace, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, democratic, devout population of 10.765 billion Knights Sanguine are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Saint John. The average income tax rate is 15.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Sanguine economy, worth 531 trillion crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Furniture Restoration industry, with major contributions from Cheese Exports, Book Publishing, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 49,376 crowns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

50% of adverts on children's television are for clothes made of cotton wool, Purgeism has been named as Knights Sanguine's national religion, Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion, and the travel industry is booming as pregnant women book tickets for "weekend trips" overseas. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Knights Sanguine's national animal is the unicorn, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Purgeism.

Knights Sanguine is ranked 140,454^th in the world and 1^st in Union of Independent Nations for Lowest Crime Rates, with 61.79 law-abiding acts per hour.