The Matriarchy of Kestral de Mortfichet is a huge, socially progressive nation, remarkable for its complete lack of public education, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 334 million Kestral de Mortfichetians enjoy great individual freedoms in everything except elections, which, where they exist at all, are populist shams for a dictatorship government that has no intention of ever giving up power.

The tiny, pro-business, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Spirituality, with Defense and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Industry and Environment receive no funds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.4%.

The Kestral de Mortfichetian economy, worth 14.2 trillion Chets a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Basket Weaving, Cheese Exports, and Retail. Average income is 42,499 Chets, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 272,731 per year while the poor average 2,695, a ratio of 101 to 1.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers and promising seven years of bad luck leads to seven years of community service. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Kestral de Mortfichet's national animal is the Cat, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Kestral de Mortfichet is ranked 114,484^th in the world and 1^st in Roses Without Thorns for Nudest, with 157.5 cheeks per square mile.