The Republic of Kafkaesque Ticino is a very large, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its absence of drug laws, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate population of 156 million Kafkaesque Ticinese are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Defense. The average income tax rate is 73.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but stagnant Kafkaesque Ticinoan economy, worth 2.16 trillion kafkians a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Furniture Restoration industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Soda Sales. Average income is 13,833 kafkians, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security, every politician claims to be at least 1% Native Kafkaesque Ticinoan, doctors who mutter "Oh my God" often lose their medical license, and parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kafkaesque Ticino's national animal is the spider, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kafkaesque Ticino is ranked 247,207^th in the world and 1^st in Ticino for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -3.35 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.