The United States of Kafeine is a massive, cultured nation, remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, otherworldly petting zoo, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 1.191 billion Kafeineans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Markhor Royal City. The average income tax rate is 67.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Kafeinean economy, worth 133 trillion niquels a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 111,965 niquels, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

Kafeine Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere', the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists, the Kafeinean delegation to the World Assembly is having a hard time convincing people that international law will "pay for itself somehow...", and protests are illegal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kafeine's national animal is the Markhor, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kafeine is ranked 24,429^th in the world and 807^th in the South Pacific for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 6,313.88 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.