by Max Barry

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Largest Cheese Export Sector: 982ndLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 3,973rdBest Weather: 5,651st
The Cancelled 2020 Plans of
Democratic Socialists
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Santa
Influence
Squire
Region
Civil Rights
Good
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Few

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Jolly Old St Nicholas

Population5.113 billion

Capitalthe North Pole
LeaderSanta
FaithUղOгtҺodox Christianity

CurrencyCandy Cane
AnimalFlying Reindeer

The Cancelled 2020 Plans of Jolly Old St Nicholas is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Santa with an even hand, and notable for its soft-spoken computers, free-roaming dinosaurs, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 5.113 billion Elves are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of the North Pole. The average income tax rate is 61.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Elvish economy, worth 641 trillion Candy Canes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Cheese Exports, Retail, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 125,492 Candy Canes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

New arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark, the Elvish Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation, glassy-eyed Elvish wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command, and a traveller who once stubbed a toe on an Air Brancaland flight has been offered asylum. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Jolly Old St Nicholas's national animal is the Flying Reindeer, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is UղOгtҺodox Christianity.

Jolly Old St Nicholas is ranked 51,647th in the world and 56th in Christmas for Most Influential, scoring 449 on the Soft Power Disbursement Rating.

Top
1%
Largest Cheese Export Sector: 982ndTop
5%
Largest Basket Weaving Sector: 3,973rdBest Weather: 5,651stMost Devout: 5,908thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 8,888thMost Beautiful Environments: 9,763rdMost Valuable International Artwork: 10,818thTop
10%
Most Popular Tourist Destinations: 11,889thHealthiest Citizens: 12,162ndMost Developed: 12,469thMost Cheerful Citizens: 12,537thMost Scientifically Advanced: 13,306thLargest Retail Industry: 13,790thLargest Information Technology Sector: 14,097thHighest Poor Incomes: 14,173rdLongest Average Lifespans: 14,247thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 14,300thMost Corrupt Governments: 15,296thLowest Crime Rates: 16,306thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 17,112thLargest Black Market: 18,215thLargest Publishing Industry: 19,376thSmartest Citizens: 20,056thHighest Average Incomes: 20,557thLargest Agricultural Sector: 21,339thMost Advanced Public Education: 21,477th
Top
5%
Largest Cheese Export Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Devout: 4th in the regionTop
10%
Highest Poor Incomes: 7th in the regionBest Weather: 7th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 8th in the regionMost Developed: 8th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 8th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 8th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 8th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 9th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 9th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 9th in the regionMost Cheerful Citizens: 9th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 9th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Jolly Old St Nicholas was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Valuable International Artwork and the Top 10% for Largest Black Market.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, a traveller who once stubbed a toe on an Air Brancaland flight has been offered asylum.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, glassy-eyed Elvish wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, the Elvish Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, new arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, the Navy has outraged the international community by sinking a boatload of refugees to prevent them reaching the shore.
  • : Jolly Old St Nicholas was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Cheerful Citizens and the Top 10% for Most Valuable International Artwork.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days'.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, drug lords often avoid prison time by teaching "chemistry" classes to underprivileged youth.
  • : Following new legislation in Jolly Old St Nicholas, no suburban lawn is complete without barbed wire and landmines.

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