The Republic of Heraldry Patriarch is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its enslaved workforce, ubiquitous missile silos, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.403 billion Heraldry Patriarchians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 72.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Heraldry Patriarchian economy, worth 901 trillion Cards a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 166,781 Cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

All beauty contests have been banned, gay hospital patients are labelled with a pink triangle to alert staff of their substandard blood, fine dining is just too fine for most of the populace, and the people consider response to rudeness to be an acceptable casus belli. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heraldry Patriarch's national animal is the Kuriboh, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Heraldry Patriarch is ranked 304,564^th in the world and 3,873^rd in Suspicious for Nudest, with 12.75 cheeks per square mile.