by Max Barry

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Most Inclusive: 4,299thMost Influential: 4,380thBest Weather: 4,611th
The Pacifist Land Pirates' Reich of
Corrupt Dictatorship
In the good of all.
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population1.97 billion

LeaderTony Myers


The Pacifist Land Pirates' Reich of Helperness is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Tony Myers with an iron fist, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical population of 1.97 billion Helpers are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petersville. The average income tax rate is 86.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Helpernessian economy, worth 168 trillion Florins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is extremely specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 85,514 Florins, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars, the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause, the most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita, and pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Helperness's national animal is the Budgerigar, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Caluxan.

Helperness is ranked 158,860th in the world and 6,265th in Osiris for Largest Black Market, with 49.6 billion Standard Monetary Units.

Most Inclusive: 4,299thMost Influential: 4,380thBest Weather: 4,611thHealthiest Citizens: 4,990thLargest Welfare Programs: 5,058thLongest Average Lifespans: 6,157thMost Valuable International Artwork: 6,372ndMost Beautiful Environments: 7,639thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8,217thMost Advanced Public Education: 8,430thMost Cultured: 8,459thLowest Crime Rates: 9,948thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 10,110thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 10,519thHighest Average Tax Rates: 10,783rdTop
Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 11,787thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 11,934thMost Developed: 13,614thMost Compassionate Citizens: 16,725thLargest Governments: 18,026thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 18,681stMost Advanced Public Transport: 19,083rdMost Pacifist: 19,196thNicest Citizens: 19,332ndSmartest Citizens: 19,746thHighest Poor Incomes: 21,118th
Most Influential: 40th in the regionTop
Most Inclusive: 177th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 188th in the regionBest Weather: 197th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 262nd in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 273rd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 309th in the regionTop
Most Beautiful Environments: 356th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 399th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 403rd in the regionMost Cultured: 429th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 526th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 545th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 559th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 582nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 625th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 661st in the regionMost Developed: 703rd in the region

National Happenings

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