The Commonwealth of Heloin is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Jennifer D'Arcy with an even hand, and remarkable for its frequent executions, smutty television, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 19.478 billion Heloians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Salisbury. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Heloian economy, worth a remarkable 4,754 trillion Heloian Pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 244,077 Heloian Pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

School football matches are usually five-a-side, evasive politicians don't fail to strongly commit to not committing to a course of non-inaction, when electric cars arrived nobody heard them coming, and modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heloin's national animal is the Sable Antelope, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Heloin is ranked 147,733^rd in the world and 7^th in Alyr for Most Politically Free, scoring 53.52 on the Diebold Election Inking Scale.