The Commonwealth of Heloin is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Jennifer D'Arcy with an even hand, and renowned for its parental licensing program, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, cheerful population of 17.988 billion Heloians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, socially-minded morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Salisbury. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Heloian economy, worth a remarkable 4,401 trillion Heloian Pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 244,688 Heloian Pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A traveller who once stubbed a toe on an 'Air Brancaland' flight has been offered asylum, royal mothers accustomed to baby-talk assure the troops "we gweatly wespect your service; yes, we do", school football matches are usually five-a-side, and evasive politicians don't fail to strongly commit to not committing to a course of non-inaction. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heloin's national animal is the Sable Antelope, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Heloin is ranked 537^th in the world and 1^st in Alyr for Longest Average Lifespans, with 96.47 Years.