The Commonwealth of Hellsinky is a massive, genial nation, remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, irreverence towards religion, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 4.337 billion Hellsinkyians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Healthcare, with Education, Welfare, and Industry also on the agenda, while Spirituality is ignored. The average income tax rate is 58.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Hellsinkyian economy, worth 319 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Trout Farming, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 73,591 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home, facial disfigurement is a leading cause of supervillainy, the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, and Leader has just been declared ruler of Hellsinky in an international press conference. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hellsinky's national animal is the quokka, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Hellsinky is ranked 259,439^th in the world and 7,116^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -112.81 on the Scary Big Number Scale.