The Republic of Hagenburden is a huge, orderly nation, notable for its state-planned economy, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 511 million Hagenburdeners are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Spawnsstad. The average income tax rate is 79.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but underdeveloped Hagenburdish economy, worth 18.4 trillion emeralds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly made up of the Trout Farming industry. Average income is 36,035 emeralds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Mandatory neutering has made purebred dogs a thing of the past, diners regard burgers made from mechanically reclaimed cow protein as "proper meat", many adults are moving back in with their parents, and fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hagenburden's national animal is the cat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Hagenburden is ranked 18,069^th in the world and 430^th in Europe for Most Beautiful Environments, with 1,166.63 pounds of wildlife per square mile.