The Kingdom of Haganham is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Ulrich Von Hagan with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, lack of airports, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 3.488 billion Hagans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Spirituality, although Law & Order, Welfare, and Administration are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Haganham. The average income tax rate is 73.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Haganhamian economy, worth 192 trillion Marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Furniture Restoration, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 55,263 Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Grumpy old house owners demand that pedestrians get off their footpaths, it's never "just a game" with Haganhamian sports fans, high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate, and relations with Dàguó have warmed from frosty to chilly. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haganham's national animal is the Boar, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is catholicism.

Haganham is ranked 201,501^st in the world and 85^th in Palatine for Highest Drug Use, scoring 88.65 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.