The Children's Crusade of Guiness Freaks is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Beer Leader with an even hand, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, absence of drug laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, humorless population of 21.603 billion Guiness Freaksians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Social Policy. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jameson Whiskey. The average income tax rate is 99.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Guiness Freaksian economy, worth a remarkable 3,534 trillion pints a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology. Average income is an impressive 163,626 pints, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Arguments about toilet seats being left up or down get surprisingly heated, when people ask what the difference is between politicians and lawyers they are referred to document c15(iv) section 14.1 subsection 3.2 of the Jan 2015 political category definition guidance codes, the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills, and cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high. Crime is totally unknown. Guiness Freaks's national animal is the beer owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheism yeah buddy.

Guiness Freaks is ranked 287,133^rd in the world and 11,075^th in Lazarus for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -23.11 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.