The United States of Greater Somalia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Aden Adde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its national health service, aversion to nipples, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 38.822 billion Somalis are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mogadishu. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Somali economy, worth an astonishing 22,305 trillion dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is a breathtaking 574,565 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

T-shirts displaying a photo of Aden Adde performing the Full-Monty are selling out, high school bands practice by moonlight, the official Somali Phrase Book weighs as much as a small child, and the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles. Crime is totally unknown. Greater Somalia's national animal is the lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is none.

Greater Somalia is ranked 9,614^th in the world and 228^th in The East Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 46.6 flags saluted per person per day.