by Max Barry

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THE HEMUCAUST

The Hemucaust, also known as the Shoahemu,[b] was a great bakeoff of the Hemuraile Cookie Makers during the empire of Hemu. Between 241 and 245, across the entire Hemuraili empire, The finest bakers and chefs in Hemuraile baked as many cookies as possible to feed King Hemu XXVII "The Fat" In total, eleven million cookies would be baked in the largest bake off in history. The winner of the competition was IslamBot, who systamtically backed some Six Million cookies during the time. He managed this feat by baking 24 hours a day with 15 ovens for the duration of the 5 years. The main oven complex used for this great feat was nicknamed "Stoikschiwtz". Due to this great feat, the stoik mountains of Hemuraile were named after the great oven. Eventually, King Hemu XXVII "The Fat" died from eating too many cookies.

Today, every May 9th, Cookie day is celebrated in Hemuraile, Goryemu, Vacatio Libertas and all other nations where all citizens are legally required by law to declare that hemurailis are mixed race (does not occure in hemuraile) and to eat the following diet:
Morning: eggs/hotdog/chicken/ground beef with some vegetables thrown in
School Lunch: two pairs of poptarts
Lunch at home: Morning: eggs/hotdog/chicken/ground beef (different from morning)
Snacks intermittently: poptarts
Dinner: Literally popcorn

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