The Protectorate of Gods Goatee is a colossal, safe nation, renowned for its parental licensing program, compulsory gun ownership, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed population of 8.595 billion God's Goats are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Education. The average income tax rate is 35.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Gods Goateean economy, worth 622 trillion florins a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Trout Farming. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 72,468 florins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

No animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it, undersea volcanoes receive strongly worded letters for violating environmental regulations, Gods Goateean schoolgirl uniforms have become alarmingly popular outside Gods Goatee, and builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Gods Goatee's national animal is the walrus.

Gods Goatee is ranked 96,904^th in the world and 15^th in The DankLeft Commune for Lowest Crime Rates, with 66.24 law-abiding acts per hour.