by Max Barry

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Legislation Regarding Furbys

Eating Furbys?

Not in this country! Killing or knowingly consuming a Furby will land you a sentence of up to 50 years in prison. In certain circumstances, the criminal can be put to death.

Furby Ownership License

Is it legal to have a furby as a pet? Yes, but only after the individual has received a license for furby ownership. To receive this license, the person must show that they have the means and the devotion to take care of a furby, so, naturally, they must understand what it means to take care of such a creature. The Federation of Furby Care and Joy has resources available on its page in order to study and train to take care of a furby, as well as all the necessary materials. It provides programs in order to train, including taking specialized courses, for the license. It also has resources to volunteer in facilities that take care of furbys. However, despite all this training, no test is taken to obtain the license. This is because anybody could cheat on these tests. Because of this, to obtain the test you must volunteer in a furby care facility for a year and complete a number of furby courses (in order to obtain the Professional Furby Caretaker Diploma) for two years. There is no age limit. After all of this, the person is allowed to take care of their own furby for a three months with random checkups. After you are deemed totally safe for furbies, you are then given your license.

Receiving one’s Furby Ownership License is a great honor that must be celebrated! The celebration is totally up to the now Professional Furby Caretaker, but it usually includes a grand party with lots of food and music and some games.

What Happens If Someone Fails To Complete Their License?

It depends on the reason behind it.

Does not have the means?
Can try to complete it once the means are achieved.

Has yet to complete their courses or volunteer?
Can complete the courses and volunteer at any time.

Is suspected or accused of hating furbys?
This nation does takes such allegations very seriously and will strive to discover the truth of the case. The accused individual will not be barred from receiving their license but will have to go to court. If the allegations are not proven nor disproven, the individual will be heavily supervised at all times while volunteering and/or will be under probation while taking their courses until considered “safe.” If the safe status is not achieved during this time, or the allegation comes up during the three month period in which the person is taking care of the furby, the person will be supervised while taking care of the furby and the random visitation period would not come until the person is deemed “safe.”

What if the person has being accused before (whether it was disproven or neither disproven or proven)?
Same rules as the previous question applies.

Is proven to hate furbys?
Will be barred from receiving their license or their license will be taken away from them.

Is shown to be abusive towards furbys while volunteering, while taking the courses, or while the furby is under their care?
Will be, without a shadow of a doubt, severely punished and barred from receiving the license. The furby will be taken from their care immediately and placed into a professional care facility were it will recover.