by Max Barry

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Largest Agricultural Sector: 2,718th Most World Assembly Endorsements: 3,226th Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4,751st
The Holy Empire of
Father Knows Best State
Unity, Discipline, Work
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck


Population506 million



The Holy Empire of EzkelHeim is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, smutty television, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 506 million EzkelHeimians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nerheilheim. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 44.5%.

The frighteningly efficient EzkelHeimian economy, worth 68.8 trillion Gils a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Tourism, Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 135,913 Gils, with the richest citizens earning 5.9 times as much as the poorest.

Election debates consists mostly of two grey suits arguing over how to best preserve the status quo, prison visits increase substantially during election years, every workday begins with group therapy, and soldiers must key in their passwords every time they want to reload their weapons. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. EzkelHeim's national animal is the eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

EzkelHeim is ranked 46,831st in the world and 2,015th in the South Pacific for Greatest Rich-Poor Divides, with 5.94 Rich To Poor Income Ratio.

Largest Agricultural Sector: 2,718thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 3,226thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 4,751stLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 5,860thMost Influential: 6,080thTop
Largest Trout Fishing Sector: 10,209thMost Corrupt Governments: 10,934thMost Scientifically Advanced: 12,575thHighest Disposable Incomes: 13,104thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 14,671stHealthiest Citizens: 14,915thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 15,512thMost Developed: 15,519thHighest Average Incomes: 16,125thLargest Publishing Industry: 16,330thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 16,522nd
Largest Agricultural Sector: 73rd in the regionTop
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 101st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 231st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 270th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 300th in the regionLargest Black Market: 302nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 307th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 326th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 343rd in the regionTop
Most Scientifically Advanced: 375th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 409th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 432nd in the regionMost Influential: 457th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 464th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 483rd in the regionMost Developed: 492nd in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 518th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 550th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 574th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 575th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 576th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 599th in the regionMost Cultured: 602nd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 648th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 668th in the regionLargest Governments: 677th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 710th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 744th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : EzkelHeim was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Advanced Defense Forces.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, soldiers must key in their passwords every time they want to reload their weapons.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, every workday begins with group therapy.
  • : EzkelHeim voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Repeal "Preventing the Execution of Innocents"".
  • : EzkelHeim voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Liberate The Coalition of Fascist Nations".
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, prison visits increase substantially during election years.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, election debates consists mostly of two grey suits arguing over how to best preserve the status quo.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, the nation's black ops are starting to get on people's nerves.
  • : Following new legislation in EzkelHeim, a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants.


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