The Impending baldness of Ethel mermania is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Fearless Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, frequent executions, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.908 billion Ethel mermanians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Great White Way. Income tax is unheard of.

The all-consuming Ethel mermanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,110 trillion yids a year, is quite specialized and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Furniture Restoration, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 124,851 yids, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

It is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language, advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore, light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment, and kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ethel mermania's national animal is the ethel merman, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the cult of fearless leaderism.

Ethel mermania is ranked 11,382^nd in the world and 8^th in Snazzy for Lowest Crime Rates, with 90.05 Law-abiding Acts Per Hour.