The Impending baldness of Ethel mermania is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Fearless Leader with an iron fist, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, sprawling nuclear power plants, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.702 billion Ethel mermanians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Public Transport. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Great White Way. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Ethel mermanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,650 trillion yids a year, is quite specialized and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Gambling, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 141,726 yids, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

New treatments are rejected if they cannot be explained using only one-syllable words, atheists are heavily taxed, the The Great White Way Film Festival recently voted 'Ethel mermanian Getting Hit By Football' as best film, and listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Ethel mermania's national animal is the ethel merman, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the cult of fearless leaderism.

Ethel mermania is ranked 9,223^rd in the world and 7^th in Snazzy for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 6,003.49 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.