The Tasavalta of Esvonia is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Presidentti Sauli Niinistö with a fair hand, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 4.266 billion Suomalainens love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Helsinki. The average income tax rate is 95.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Esvonian economy, worth 646 trillion Euroas a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 151,651 Euroas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town, nine-year-olds' chat logs are scoured for evidence of radicalization, psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Presidentti Sauli Niinistö to meetings with foreign heads of state, and mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esvonia's national animal is the Ruskea Karhu, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Suomen Evankelis-Luterilainen Kirkko.

Esvonia is ranked 9,303^rd in the world and 167^th in Europe for Smartest Citizens, with 95.82 quips per hour.