The Temperant Republic of Esvonia is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Prime Minister Langdon Alsvon with an even hand, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, pith helmet sales, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate population of 3.029 billion Esvonians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Arvoria. The average income tax rate is 95.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Esvonian economy, worth 446 trillion Esvonian-Krona Marks a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 147,275 Esvonian-Krona Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Passwords to nuclear codes must now contain upper and lower case characters, the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association, army doctors who come under attack defend themselves by using stethoscopes like nunchaku, and Esvonia is notorious for its citizens' infidelity. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esvonia's national animal is the Brown Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Esvonia is ranked 236,109^th in the world and 1,346^th in Europe for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -19.36 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.