The Satanic Republic of Estonian Satanists is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Xrix Satanas Max with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical population of 10.215 billion Estonian Satanists are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pärnu. The average income tax rate is 70.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Estonian Satanist economy, worth a remarkable 1,013 trillion EEKS a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 99,251 EEKS, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The consent form for routine blood pressure measurement has been nominated for the 'Novel Of The Year' award, explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends, frustrated teenage boys are told that if they like it then they should have put a ring on it, and water fights now end with thousands dead. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Estonian Satanists's national animal is the Snake, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Estonian Satanists is ranked 246,733^rd in the world and 3^rd in New Estonia Anti Communist Bloc for Most Primitive, scoring -109.32 on the Scary Big Number Scale.