The Armed Republic of Elbian Federation is a huge, efficient nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, strictly enforced bedtime, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 824 million Elbian Federationians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The relatively small government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Healthcare, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Spirituality receive no funds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.4%.

The thriving Elbian Federationian economy, worth 63.9 trillion Marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is 77,556 Marks, with the richest citizens earning 8.1 times as much as the poorest.

The government's policy is 'all pain, no grain', surveillance cameras are banned, internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase, and bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Elbian Federation's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Elbian Federation is ranked 204,827^th in the world and 173^rd in Commonwealth of Liberty for Highest Drug Use, scoring 31.4 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.