by Max Barry

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The Galactic Empire of
New York Times Democracy

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Funny Quotes and Things I found on Forum and Discord

Uinted Communist of Africa
"To protect the world from Capitalization"
"To unite the people within our nation"
"To denounce the evils of Europe and Love"
"To extend Communist reach to the stars above "
"Engels"
"Marx"
"Team Commie blasting off at the speed of light"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight"---Saturday Morning Cartoon Characters

Toraia
Cavemen and cavewomen sew fancy animal skins. Fancy animal skins look weird but are supposed to be cool. Cavemen and cavewomen who make fancy animal skins charge way too many shiny rocks for them. But other cavemen and cavewomen trade for them anyway because they believe it will let them into the tribe of the cool cavepeople. <a funny and very clear explanation of the biggest cancer in the world - modern fashion>

Skyhooked
"Ecilus are actually good fellas. But they are too technocratic. Too much science, not much entertainment. And they won't let common folk even possess things to defend themselves, so instead they are forced to pray, till those lazy robocops bring their shiny metal asses. So they arrest criminals, and victim. Cause praying there is a big taboo. Oh, and getting inside this honeypot is a great challenge. You gotta be PHD with briefcase full of gold n' dollars. Of course they don't like Skyhooked.

But here are some good ol' advantages. Ecilus really cares about kids and youth, plus, you can't find a religious zealot, who's gonna blow your ass to the moon, cuz you don't belive in his deity."-Bartender, telling one of the rumors about faraway lands.

Kannadrickium
"They are owned by United Airlines."


Skyhooked
"I... *Hic*, Liked to party in your savannah resort. First, I walked among local tribes with Marx portrait, while drinking vodka, and singing Red Alert soviet anthem. Then I came to some lion, and told "I like ya' Simba! Hakuna Matata!" And barely ran off. This wound gonna make a good scar for parties. Then... I don't remember. Question? Oh. What do you think about our tourists in general? Sorry, cause we can be a little bit rowdy, when get our hands on good booze."-Drunken tourist

"Greetings, I am Juan Wright, minister of foreign affairs of Skyhooked. As far as I know, you seem to prefere to deal with socialist and communist nations, due to ideological reason. But would it be possible to have more open realtions between our countries? We would like to establish better contact between our states."-Juan Wright

Democratic Exodian Territories
"Independence Day aliens are working with the gov for all I know"

Democratic Exodian Territories
"Gina Haspel is a waifu
no matter how much I hate the CIA
she's the tiger mom we all need"

"I've got something crazy to say to you
Eclius, Gina Haspel isn’t just three times my age.
She’s nearly four times my age.

Does that change my mind?
No, not at all.
I still want my headpat from Mama Haspel."

"only mommi haspel can hold me tight
and help me say goodnight
I like it when I get headpat
I like it when I get warmth"

Democratic Exodian Territories
"I'd help the man (Polish Prussian Commonwealth cook because we're basically brothers at this point
and then you're going to misinterpret that somehow"

Democratic Exodian Territories
"Out of complete IC honesty, my diplomats and Ambassador would rather be stuck there in the Exodian embassy in Paris with 40 rifles pointed at them waiting for some other form of rescue than trust an Eclisian-linked service to get them out"

Skyhooked
"I asked, "Dude, where is WiFi?", they looked at me, like I am some sort of batshit crazy, then I took out my smartphone, and locals thought, that I am some sort of alien... This America is weird... wait... how the heck did I end up in 1980?! I only remember, how I jumped in some sort of jacuzzi, and... pressed spilled my beer on some weird pannel. Gotta go back in time, that's the only way. Cuz... revolt in my country haven't started yet."-Toruist.

VlaRiSsiA
"remember kids, dark humor is like food- not everyone gets it"

Democratic Exodian Territories
"I'm going to college just so I can convince my recruiter I'm not autistic"
"eckie
you're not invited to my wedding"

Californiae
"Seen any weird sh*t in your time?"

"Knew a guy who killed a dragon with 5.56 and 12ga buckshot."

"Bullsh*t."

"Nope. Him and his fireteam, killed a f*ckin' dragon with 5.56 and 12ga." - Couple of Californian veterans pi*sing into the wind.

Note from Eclius: sorry I had to use asterisks, I got a notification saying the text contained
naughty words" *rolling eyes*

South Reinkalistan
I would rather die in a swamp of England than live in a paradise of France.

Comment from Eclius: a bit too dramatic??

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