The Colony of Eastie is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Oliver with an iron fist, and renowned for its parental licensing program, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 10.721 billion Eastieans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gulliver. The average income tax rate is 86.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Eastiean economy, worth a remarkable 2,091 trillion dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Furniture Restoration, Uranium Mining, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 195,044 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university, fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets, the newest shade developed by Eastie's dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange', and the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eastie's national animal is the tigerfish, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Christianity.

Eastie is ranked 176,902^nd in the world and 5,435^th in The East Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -7.1 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.