The Free Land of Eastern Apalstan is a huge, efficient nation, renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 586 million Eastern Apalstanians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, although Healthcare is also considered important, while International Aid and Law & Order receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of ApalVille. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Eastern Apalstanian economy, worth 70.1 trillion ApalVs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Soda Sales, and Pizza Delivery. Average income is an impressive 119,682 ApalVs, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 633,949 per year while the poor average 11,968, a ratio of 53.0 to 1.

Cane fights are a common sight in nursing homes, conversion therapy coupons are a popular present for coming of age ceremonies, urban entrepreneurs are busy introducing cockroaches into restaurant kitchens, and the Eastern Apalstan Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Eastern Apalstan's national animal is the Bulldog, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Eastern Apalstan is ranked 242,286^th in the world and 9,668^th in The North Pacific for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -11.4 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.