The Federation of East Reztotzka is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, aversion to nipples, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 967 million East Reztotzkans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tsentrgrad. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 46.2%.

The frighteningly efficient East Reztotzkan economy, worth 106 trillion Roubles a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 110,227 Roubles, with the richest citizens earning 8.4 times as much as the poorest.

Constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas", almost half of the child population live rough on the streets, news headlines usually include p-values, and years of counter-terrorism planning are foiled by small details. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. East Reztotzka's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

East Reztotzka is ranked 209,357^th in the world and 417^th in The League for Fattest Citizens, with 9.49 Obesity Rate.