by Max Barry

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Rudest Citizens: 595thMost Efficient Economies: 700thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 768th
The Pickelhelm of
Corporate Bordello
Santa's Dwarfs Now Run the Workshop
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population4.32 billion

CapitalDwarf Fortress
LeaderFáfnir Longbeard
FaithCult of the Mountain Lord

AnimalMusk Ox

The Pickelhelm of Dwarf is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Fáfnir Longbeard with a fair hand, and renowned for its national health service, digital currency, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 4.32 billion Dwarves are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The medium-sized, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dwarf Fortress. The average income tax rate is 94.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Dwarfen economy, worth a remarkable 1,162 trillion ores a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Retail, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 269,093 ores, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,698,332 per year while the poor average 17,850, a ratio of 95.1 to 1.

'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink, white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits, politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech, and crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed. Crime is totally unknown. Dwarf's national animal is the Musk Ox, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cult of the Mountain Lord.

Dwarf is ranked 43,686th in the world and 16th in Middle Earth for Most Politically Free, scoring 76.57 on the Diebold Election Inking Scale.

Rudest Citizens: 595thMost Efficient Economies: 700thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 768thLargest Publishing Industry: 1,158thLargest Agricultural Sector: 1,367thMost Cheerful Citizens: 1,713thLargest Mining Sector: 1,737thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,778thSmartest Citizens: 1,782ndMost Scientifically Advanced: 1,807thMost Cultured: 1,906thLargest Retail Industry: 2,253rdMost Developed: 2,254thTop
Most Valuable International Artwork: 2,640thHighest Average Incomes: 2,778thMost Inclusive: 2,973rdLargest Governments: 2,978thLargest Information Technology Sector: 3,621stNicest Citizens: 3,877thHealthiest Citizens: 4,550thLongest Average Lifespans: 5,072ndMost Compassionate Citizens: 5,277thHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,500thLowest Crime Rates: 5,543rdLargest Welfare Programs: 6,100thMost Secular: 6,342ndMost Advanced Public Education: 7,160thSafest: 7,292ndLargest Manufacturing Sector: 8,092ndLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 9,168thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 9,409thMost Rebellious Youth: 10,326thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 11,282ndTop
Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 12,737thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 14,309thHighest Economic Output: 15,000thMost Pro-Market: 15,682ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 15,963rdGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 16,307thMost Advanced Public Transport: 19,256th
Largest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Cheerful Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 1st in the regionTop
Smartest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Secular: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 2nd in the regionNicest Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 3rd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 3rd in the regionMost Cultured: 3rd in the regionMost Developed: 3rd in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 4th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 4th in the regionMost Pro-Market: 4th in the regionMost Inclusive: 5th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 5th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 5th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 5th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 6th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 6th in the regionSafest: 6th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 6th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 6th in the regionTop
Largest Welfare Programs: 7th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 8th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 8th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 9th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 10th in the regionHighest Drug Use: 10th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 11th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, 'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, politicians tend to jump ship to whichever party is currently leading in the polls.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, Dwarf is increasingly belligerent on the international stage.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, the intelligence community is playing 4-D chess with an imaginary spy network.
  • : Dwarf was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Retail Industry and the Top 5% for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry.
  • : Following new legislation in Dwarf, the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby Fáfnir Longbeard Pics" has made Fáfnir Longbeard's mom a celebrity.


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