by Max Barry

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The Benevolent Queendom of
Democratic Socialists

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

2

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 January - February

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History
2019

January - February

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January 1st, 2019

    • Homophobia is off the menu. #674
    • Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. #121

January 2nd, 2019

    • Hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework. #910
    • Burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony. #590
    • The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster. #904

January 3rd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 117th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 91.29 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
    • Male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed. #1135
    • The endangered saltwater humpback purple fairy deer is only seen in captivity programs. #547
    • Government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary. #1137
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January 4th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 2,530th in the world and 94th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 98.81 Atheism Rate.
    • The government funds large training centres to turn purple fairy deer into functioning members of society. #133
    • The nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. #807
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January 5th, 2019

    • Giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls. #1138
    • It is illegal to make racist remarks in public. #22 STILL DISMISS
    • Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms fell from Very Good to Good.

January 7th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 5,117th in the world and 245th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,119 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • The government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned. #650
    • Tourists outnumber citizens two to one. #292
    • Listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases. #410
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January 8th, 2019

    • School plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment. #501
    • Illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory. #205
    • Consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed. #353
    • Panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet. #1030

January 9th, 2019

    • Knitters are arrested for carrying needles in their bags. #1098

January 10th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 25th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Nicest Citizens, with 194.82 Average Smiles Per Day.
    • People faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations. #92
    • The horniness of the great-horned purple fairy deer is considered a national priority. #986
    • National parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'. #297
    • Troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist. #1008
    • Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #493

January 11th, 2019

    • Badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game. #239
    • The government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen. #1093
    • Queen Arbeaone can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees. #756
    • The police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. #185

January 13th, 2019

    • Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in Divine Cervine, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections. #125 dismissed
    • All beauty contests have been banned. #101
    • All citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society. #245
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.

January 14th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 583rd in the world and 33rd in Lazarus for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 17,295.65 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.
    • There's never enough space in space. #754
    • Future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence. #626
    • Hordes of tourists are ruining the environment. #1086
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January 15th, 2019

    • Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping. #661
    • Queen Arbeaone panders to nontraditional families. #432
    • The Divine Cervinean Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas. #653
    • Pro-democracy regime change has been avoided. #359

January 16th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 274th in the world and 8th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 490 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space. #97
    • The justice of Divine Cervine is considered superior to that of other nations. #1015
    • One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013
    • The phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon. #628
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January 19th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 164th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Highest Workforce Participation Rate, with 97.54 Workforce Participation Rate.
    • RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. #624
    • Almost all of the nation's water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices. #264
    • Purple fairy deer have more rights than the average citizen. #60
    • Supervisors in Divine Cervine commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence. #732
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January 21st, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 24th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Nicest Citizens, with 195.57 Average Smiles Per Day.
    • The nation is currently revamping its entire education system. #64
    • Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #708
    • Nude art is becoming wildly popular. #52
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
    • Interest in globalism never flags. #1114

January 22nd, 2019

    • A government program is underway to revitalize Divine Cervine's beaches. #31
    • The government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines. #1029

January 24th, 2019

    • People reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight. #56
    • Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain. #699
    • Excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside. #630

January 25th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 31st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,608.22 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • Relations with Dΰguσ have warmed from frosty to chilly. #610
    • 3D printed organs are a breath of new life for the sick and elderly. #850
    • Bitter pastors forced to officiate gay marriage 'accidentally' pronounce couples "husband and abomination". #759
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
    • Unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. #667

January 26th, 2019

    • Conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings. #293
    • Queen Arbeaone has more friends than ever before. #602

January 27th, 2019

    • Prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned spouses. #836
    • The Enchanted Wildwood Film Festival recently voted 'Divine Fawn Getting Hit By Football' as best film. #1154

January 28th, 2019

    • Students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak. #276
    • Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. #897
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
    • The nation has an international reputation for compassion. #36
    • Spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches. #540
    • Sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside. #543

January 29th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 505th in the world and 8th in Lazarus for Most Income Equality, scoring 99.79 on the Marx-Engels Emancipation Scale.
    • The government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds. #976
    • Women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels. #838
    • Orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents. #638
    • Popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. #565
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January 30th, 2019

    • Divine Cervine's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand. #93
    • Children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants. #576
    • The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative. #262

January 31st, 2019

    • Conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors. #834

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February 1st, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 266th in the world and 7th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 499 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions. #659
    • Sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed. #786
    • Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Divine Cervine. #922
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February 2nd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 317th in the world and 9th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 271,062.15 Standard Monetary Units.
    • The government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country. #198
    • Scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. #999
    • Sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations. #1088
    • In this vegetarian nation the delicious smell of roasted meat is oddly commonplace. #625
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February 3rd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 20th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 482.85 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
    • While effusively praising Divine Cervine’s leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more “modernistic” view in the future. #11 dismissed
    • Barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the Enchanted Wildwood Natural History Museum. #655
    • Students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations. #522
    • The nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea. #768
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February 4th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 32nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,352 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • Explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends. #880
    • Urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts. #579
    • The government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life. #589
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February 5th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 500th in the world and 15th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 16,340.38 on the Gilded Widget Scale.
    • The Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs. #887
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February 6th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 24th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Nicest Citizens, with 197.29 Average Smiles Per Day.
    • Anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper. #207
    • Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms rose from Good to Very Good.
    • Five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars. #1131
    • Every workday begins with group therapy. #496

February 7th, 2019


February 8th, 2019

    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Stationary.
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February 9th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 32nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,232.46 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • The government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap. #1100
    • Divine Cervine gained the banner Interior Tech for combining a strong IT industry with a powerhouse economy.
    • Internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens. #875
    • Stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry. #943
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February 10th, 2019

    • Helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage. #1073
    • The government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists. #222
    • The police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes. #648
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
    • Elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-€ luminous orb mansions. #127
    • The nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions. #495
    • No one is quite sure what many government officials look like. #852

February 12th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 32nd in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 40,273.59 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.
    • Cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park. #803
    • The new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play. #385
    • Authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets. #758
    • Printing out government documents requires the approval of at least three admins. #800

February 13th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 116th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 92.39 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
    • Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation. #485
    • Drones are unable to lift the weight of their accompanying paperwork. #849
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February 14th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,911th in the world and 224th in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 2,222 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • Solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages. #1165
    • Refugees from other nations are flocking to Divine Cervine's border. #47
    • Farting etiquette is taught in schools. #946
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February 16th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 56th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 108.86 Effective Tax Rate.
    • An endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc. #577
    • 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners. #892
    • The government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles. #29
    • An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents. #218
    • The amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded. #720
    • A blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. #934

February 18th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 156th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Highest Workforce Participation Rate, with 97.62 Workforce Participation Rate.
    • Bins outnumber trees in city parks. #1007
    • Doctors spend more time writing sick notes than caring for the sick. #1148
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February 19th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 628th in the world and 32nd in Lazarus for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 17,120.82 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.
    • Schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students. #62
    • Children are raised bilingual from an early age. #71
    • The nation's taxpayers pay for foreign government's extravagances. #677
    • Criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program. #505
    • The WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet. #636

February 20th, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 14,202nd in the world and 743rd in Lazarus for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 317.68 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.
    • Student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned purple fairy deerball fields. #415
    • Small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome. #1012
    • The nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear". #1171
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February 21st, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 56th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 108.9 Effective Tax Rate.
    • Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #642
    • Research grant proposals read like political diatribes. #523
    • The new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass". #1009
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February 22nd, 2019


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 1,794th in the world and 80th in Lazarus for Most Secular, with 99.07 Atheism Rate.
    • Vaccinations are mandatory. #413
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Average to Below Average.
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February 24th, 2019

    • The banshee wail foretells skies of death. #974
    • The nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake. #1037
    • Psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Queen Arbeaone to meetings with foreign heads of state. #915
    • Pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers. #601
    • Radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion. #219
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Below Average to Average.
    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Secular.

February 25th, 2019

February 27th, 2019

    • The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Enchanted Wildwood Times is sold out. #275
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
    • Divine Cervine's Political Freedoms rose from Very Good to Excellent.
    • Homophobia is off the menu. #674
    • Churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs. #333
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Good to Average.
    • Organ donation is compulsory. #26
    • Construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway. #249

February 28th, 2019

    • The nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics. #261
    • Queen Arbeaone's office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader. #683
    • Queen Arbeaone's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week. #773
    • Political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions. #598
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Average to Good.
    • Divine Cervine published "The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2019 March - April" (Factbook: History).

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