by Max Barry

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The Benevolent Queendom of
Democratic Socialists

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

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The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2018 September - October

The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History
2018

September - October

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September 1st, 2018

    • The volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose. #1058
    • Ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward. #0728
    • There are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow. #0733

September 2nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 5,931st in the world and 282nd in Lazarus for Highest Economic Output, with 1,828 trillion Standard Monetary Units.
    • The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly. #0644
    • A blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. #0934
    • Fair-weather fans talk during plays while die-hard theatre enthusiasts stay at home. #0920
    • There's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt. #0138
    • Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web. #0902

September 3rd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 137th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Largest Governments, scoring 87.76 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.
    • Serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. #0721
    • It is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma. #0705
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September 4th, 2018

    • The endangered saltwater humpback purple fairy deer is only seen in captivity programs. #0547
    • The nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions. #0495

September 5th, 2018

    • Explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends. #0880
    • It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt. #0925
    • Enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity. #1062
    • Cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting. #0642
    • Glamping Divine Deerlings won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi. #0706
    • Sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed. #0786

September 6th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 296th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 468 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences. #0772
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September 7th, 2018

    • Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in Divine Cervine, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections. #125 dismissed
    • The nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees. #0035
    • The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster. #0904

September 8th, 2018

    • Internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens. #0875
    • All statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers. #0701
    • In this vegetarian nation the delicious smell of roasted meat is oddly commonplace. #0625

September 9th, 2018

    • Pro-democracy regime change has been avoided. #0359

September 10th, 2018



    • Divine Cervine is ranked 21st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 265.21 on the Kitten Softness Rating.
    • Divine Cervine is ranked 10th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs.
    • Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. #0121
    • The nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. #0807
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September 11th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 40th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Longest Average Lifespans, with 98.51 Years.
    • Busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets. #0785
    • Sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside. #0543
    • The government spends millions of € luminous orbs every year prosecuting spammers. #0094
    • The government has declared victoria over the cheese menace. #0507
    • Turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'. #0510

September 14th, 2018

    • The new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play. #0385
    • The Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation. #0581
    • The amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded. #0720
    • People faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations. #0092
    • Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation. #0516
    • Invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days. #0493

September 15th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 720th in the world and 44th in Lazarus for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 16,325.01 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.
    • Troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist. #1008
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September 16th, 2018

    • Several underground organisations in Divine Cervine have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote. #0177 dismissed
    • Drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. #0449
    • Droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police. #0321
    • UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news. #0081

September 17th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 50th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Best Weather, with 1,890 Meters Of Sunlight.
    • Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain. #0699
    • The government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned. #0650
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September 18th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 8th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Inclusive, scoring 752.3 on the Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index.
    • Hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework. #0910
    • No one is quite sure what many government officials look like. #0852
    • The government is giving peace a chance. #0312
    • Bins outnumber trees in city parks. #1007
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September 20th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 105th in the world and 4th in Lazarus for Healthiest Citizens, with 54.09 Bananas Ingested Per Day.
    • Welfare funding has recently gone through the roof. #0164
    • The latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller. #0003
    • Noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law. #0338
    • Community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common. #0709
    • The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms. #0226
    • Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss. #0672

September 21st, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 25th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.52 on the Human Development Index.
    • An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents. #0218
    • One does not simply walk into the tundra. #1013
    • Funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience. #0583
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September 22nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 297th in the world and 5th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 467 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.
    • Burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony. #0590
    • Divine Cervine's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand. #0093
    • The justice of Divine Cervine is considered superior to that of other nations. #1015
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September 24th, 2018

    • Genetic research is temporarily tied up in government red tape. #0033
    • Artists are pillars of society. #0124
    • While effusively praising Divine Cervine’s leadership and bowing repeatedly, a delegation has humbly requested that the government take a more “modernistic” view in the future. #0011 dismissed

September 25th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 108th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 21,589.24 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.
    • Fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal. #0613
    • There's never enough space in space. #0754
    • Spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches. #0540
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September 26th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 51st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Best Weather, with 1,891 Meters Of Sunlight.
    • Orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents. #0638
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September 28th, 2018

    • Nouveau riche farmers diligently take care of their golden calf herds. #1075
    • Excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside. #0630
    • Urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts. #0579
    • Couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. #1023
    • 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners. #0892
    • Economic planning is exalted as a human art form. #0472

September 29th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 31st in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Popular Tourist Destinations, with 5,270.8 Tourists Per Hour.
    • Helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage. #1073
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September 30th, 2018

    • The government funds large training centres to turn purple fairy deer into functioning members of society. #0133
    • Popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. #0565
    • The nation has an international reputation for compassion. #0036
    • Children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. #0190
    • An endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc. #0577
    • The Divine Cervinean Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation. #0448
    • Park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers. #0749

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October 2nd, 2018

    • A government program is underway to revitalize Divine Cervine's beaches. #0031
    • Shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals. #0431
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Excellent to Very Good.
    • Enchanted Wildwood has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus. #0518

October 3rd, 2018

    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Scientifically Advanced.
    • All beauty contests have been banned. #0101
    • Purple fairy deer have more rights than the average citizen. #0060
    • The nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea. #0768
    • The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned. #0145
    • Suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks. #0457
    • Companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave. #0304

October 4th, 2018

    • School plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment. #0501

October 5th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 24th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Developed, scoring 99.55 on the Human Development Index.
    • Every workday begins with group therapy. #0496
    • Printing out government documents requires the approval of at least three admins. #0800
    • Politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts. #0992
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October 6th, 2018


October 7th, 2018

    • People reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight. #0056
    • The horniness of the great-horned purple fairy deer is considered a national priority. #0986
    • Drones are unable to lift the weight of their accompanying paperwork. #0849

October 8th, 2018

    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Scientifically Advanced.
    • High-income earners pay a 100% tax rate. #0018
    • People seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy. #0582
    • Students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak. #0276

October 10th, 2018

    • Authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets. #0758
    • Anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper. #0207
    • Newly synthesized elements' half-lives are a million times shorter than the time it takes to say their names. #0798
    • Almost all of the nation's water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices. #0264
    • Youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults. #0767

October 11th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 66th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 107.78 Effective Tax Rate.
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October 12th, 2018

    • Queen Arbeaone's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week. #0773
    • The government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country. #0198
    • Vaccinations are mandatory. #0413
    • Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. #0897
    • Space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space. #0097

October 13th, 2018

    • Hordes of tourists are ruining the environment. #1086
    • High school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate. #0504

October 14th, 2018

    • Prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators. #0069
    • Police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds. #0907
    • The police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers. #0185

October 16th, 2018

    • Advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines. #0548
    • Flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug. #0708
    • Children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants. #0576
    • Literature classes frequently go on field trips to rock concerts. #1031 dismiss Increases Crime 1.09 → 1.10 +0.92%
    • Sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations. #1088

October 17th, 2018

    • Park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets. #0557
    • There's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services. #0739
    • Research grant proposals read like political diatribes. #0523

October 18th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 25th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Pacifist, with 463.19 Cheeks Turned Per Day.
    • Divine Cervine has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world. #0263
    • Schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students. #0062
    • Television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment. #1077
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October 19th, 2018

    • Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Divine Cervine. #0922

October 20th, 2018

    • National parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'. #0297
    • Illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory. #0205
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Very Good to Good.
    • Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping. #0661

October 22nd, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 375th in the world and 10th in Lazarus for Least Corrupt Governments, with 98.48 Percentage Of Bribes Refused.
    • Nude art is becoming wildly popular. #0052
    • Retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. #0122
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October 23rd, 2018

    • The new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass". #1009
    • Animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs. #0502
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights rose from Good to Very Good.
    • Unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. #0667

October 24th, 2018

    • Conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings. #0293
    • There is a dearth of space for new houses. #0331
    • Jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration. #1091

October 25th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 29th in the world and 1st in Lazarus for Most Popular Tourist Destinations, with 5,350.75 Tourists Per Hour.
    • Counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients. #0616
    • Excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions. #0659
    • The Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent. #0551
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October 26th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 4,949th in the world and 266th in Lazarus for Most Efficient Economies, scoring 100 on the Krugman-Greenspan Business Outlook Index.
    • Criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program. #0505
    • The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Enchanted Wildwood Times is sold out. #0275
    • Panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet. #1030
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October 27th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 65th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 107.97 Effective Tax Rate.
    • Political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions. #0598
    • The nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions. #0495
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October 28th, 2018

    • Homophobia is off the menu. #0674
    • Barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the Enchanted Wildwood Natural History Museum. #0655

October 29th, 2018


    • Divine Cervine is ranked 65th in the world and 3rd in Lazarus for Highest Average Tax Rates, with 107.98 Effective Tax Rate.
    • The words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence. #0152
    • The national policy allowing Public Protest has been cancelled. The right to public protest is considered to be essential.
    • There have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'. #0128
    • Churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs. #0333
    • Future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence. #0626

October 30th, 2018





    • Divine Cervine is ranked 11th in the world and 2nd in Lazarus for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 31,154.5 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
    • A zombie apocalypse has befallen upon the nation. NationStates-Z7
    • Divine Cervine is currently researching a cure for the infectious virus causing its victims to display aggressive, flesh-eating behavior.
    • The government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds. #0976
    • 3D printed organs are a breath of new life for the sick and elderly. #0850
    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Scientifically Advanced.
    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Dead.
    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Survivors.
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October 31st, 2018



    • Divine Cervine is ranked 1,169th in the world and 49th in Lazarus for Most Advanced Public Transport, scoring 8,624.44 on the Societal Mobility Rating.
    • A zombie apocalypse continues to ravage the nation.
    • Divine Cervine was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Zombies.
    • Queen Arbeaone has more friends than ever before. #0602
    • The police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes. #0648
    • Divine Cervine's Civil Rights fell from Very Good to Good.
    • Community centers have arisen from the ashes of demolished houses of worship. #0914
    • Bitter pastors forced to officiate gay marriage 'accidentally' pronounce couples "husband and abomination". #0759
    • The standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods. #0840
    • The zombie apocalypse has ended.
    • Divine Cervine published "The Benevolent Queendom of Divine Cervine History - 2018 November - December" (Factbook: History).

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