by Max Barry

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Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 174th Highest Poor Incomes: 288th Largest Manufacturing Sector: 298th
The Revolutionary union of
Iron Fist Consumerists
Ex nani ad gigantes
The Eternal President
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

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Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi

Population9.426 billion

LeaderThe Eternal President


The Revolutionary union of Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Eternal President with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, sprawling nuclear power plants, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 9.426 billion Kelvish are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Education, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Environment and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kresden. The average income tax rate is 75.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Kelvinsian economy, worth a remarkable 3,944 trillion Linadishes a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Automobile Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 418,436 Linadishes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

Diplomatic missions typically end with a flurry of childish insults, accusations and phlegm, the television adaptation of Jennifer Government is the most popular program in the nation, half of the nation's import/export industry is run from a location known only as 'Dead Man's Cove', and it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi's national animal is the crow, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Kuche.

Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi is ranked 716th in the world and 1st in Confederacy of the North for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 12,707.4 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.

Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 174thHighest Poor Incomes: 288thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 298thLargest Black Market: 335thHighest Average Incomes: 454thLargest Mining Sector: 478thLargest Insurance Industry: 508thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 716thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 807thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 887thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 976thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 983rdMost Subsidized Industry: 995thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,020thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,055thMost Avoided: 1,059thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,253rdFattest Citizens: 1,292ndTop
Largest Soda Pop Sector: 1,735thLargest Retail Industry: 1,982ndHighest Economic Output: 2,026thLargest Information Technology Sector: 2,381stLowest Crime Rates: 2,646thLargest Governments: 2,812thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 3,341stLargest Agricultural Sector: 3,407thMost Scientifically Advanced: 3,648thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,936thMost Efficient Economies: 4,102ndMost Advanced Public Transport: 5,326thHighest Disposable Incomes: 6,476thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 8,026thTop
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 8,626thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 8,841stMost Secular: 10,424thSmartest Citizens: 10,478thMost Advanced Public Education: 11,198thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 11,398thLargest Publishing Industry: 12,462nd

National Happenings

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