The Dominion of Crystal Palais is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Michael Lucerne with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, irreverence towards religion, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 40.475 billion Crystal Palaisians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mare Crisium. The average income tax rate is 17.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Crystal Palaisian economy, worth an astonishing 13,951 trillion solaris a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 344,698 solaris, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll, thieves find battery shops juicier targets than banks, court cases mostly involve lawyers shouting questions at witnesses giving silent shrugs, and exports are stamped with "made by the invisible hand you commies". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Crystal Palais's national animal is the mantlion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Crystal Palais is ranked 198,325^th in the world and 7^th in The Heartland for Most Conservative, scoring 26.36 on the Bush-Santorum Dawning Terror Index.