The Imperial Strato-Konglomerat of Cryptarin is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Julia'cin von Seristraya with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, compulsory military service, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 7.819 billion Cryptariis are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Healthcare are also considered important, while International Aid receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Seipus Arbeius. The average income tax rate is 86.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cryptarinian economy, worth a remarkable 1,441 trillion Kryptmarks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 184,422 Kryptmarks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends, kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll, the roads are virtually falling apart, and atheists on vacation find Verstaßenoskoya's scriptures make useful doorstops. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cryptarin's national animal is the Reich's Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Verstaßenoskoya.

Cryptarin is ranked 16,763^rd in the world and 5^th in Hartfelden for Most Stationary, with 1,319.17375989492 days.