The Federal Republic of Crimean is a massive, safe nation, ruled by The Federal Council of Crimea with an even hand, and renowned for its unlimited-speed roads, parental licensing program, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 1.474 billion Crimeans are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sevastopol. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 54.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Crimean economy, worth 244 trillion Jaderyvas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 166,143 Jaderyvas, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 504,463 per year while the poor average 42,523, a ratio of 11.9 to 1.

Dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws, citizens try to pass off bottlecaps they found in their backyards as historical artifacts, workers can choose whether they prefer offices that smell of pungent body odor or whale vomit, and some of the country's most famous photographers are animals. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Crimean's national animal is the duck, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Crimean is ranked 68,317^th in the world and 18^th in MHBs New Earth for Highest Poor Incomes, with 42,523.19 Standard Monetary Units.