The Confederacy of Cotton Hill Land is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Colonel Cotton Hill with an iron fist, and remarkable for its enslaved workforce, smutty television, and complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 19.713 billion Cottonians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arlen. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 13.9%.

The all-consuming Cotton Hill Landian economy, worth a remarkable 1,684 trillion shins a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Retail. Average income is 85,428 shins, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 677,149 per year while the poor average 2,606, a ratio of 259 to 1.

Bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers', journalists giggle uncontrollably while reporting the nation's drug bonfires, money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them, and the nation is regarded as a paragon of democracy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Cotton Hill Land's national animal is the hank, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Southern Baptist.

Cotton Hill Land is ranked 81,190^th in the world and 37^th in Texas for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 3,633.39 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.