The United Socialist Empire of Colonla is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Emperor Alexander I with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, public floggings, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 2.316 billion Colonians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Khanbaliq. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 81.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Colonian economy, worth 594 trillion Krulers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 256,682 Krulers, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 770,047 per year while the poor average 66,831, a ratio of 11.5 to 1.

Wilderness-dwelling hermits are surprised to find railway stations on their front doorsteps, giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls, public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women, and students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Colonla's national animal is the Faloth, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Colonla is ranked 267,733^rd in the world and 13,910^th in The North Pacific for Most Beautiful Environments, with 3.43 pounds of wildlife per square mile.